Fear & Fact

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The time for hiding behind my financial misfortunes is no longer relevant. It’s time to take action and that’s exactly what I did today.

I am humbled and sad; distraught and challenged. But, facing my financial woe’s head on has lifted a weight of my shoulders.

Perhaps it’s that an elephant in the room exposed, or an opportunity to shift and change. Regardless, I am happy I finally tackled this arduous task. Now, I sit and wait for a while before knowing what to do next.

I was laid off from my job last July. It was very unfortunate and life changing. Not to mention my baby girl was only 6 months old at the time.

But, the problem is that during my unemployment I had to use credit cards for things, you know, like food and diapers and formula. It really wasn’t something I wanted to do, it was something I had to do.

And also another catch? Now I make about half as much as I used to. Half.

So, considering I live a very modest lifestyle – nothing elaborate by any stretch – I still built my life on my circumstances and finances because my old job was secure right? Well, wrong.

Our jobs are not secure.

The long and short of this story is that my credit score went from excellent to piss poor. Have you ever been laid off? That $800.00 a month is better than nothing, but I’m afraid to say — you can’t pay your bills with it!

So now I have a humongous mess to clean up. I’ve been so depressed about it that I have procrastinated facing debt head on. I’ve procrastinated because:

1. I’m a badass and thought that I could catch up on a few lacking car payments, etc. even though I make half of what I used to.

Fact is: I can’t. It’s an illusion that is not reality. I only make so much money a month, and it’s just not the same amount as it used to be.

2. I’m scared. I’ve never had bad credit or so much debt that I am a poor person. Well, I am now and it’s hard to accept the reality.

So, fear and fact has held me back.

Since I am ready to just go ahead and face this and accept the reality, I dove in this morning.

I have been on the phone with the loan people, collections agencies, and my husband.

Not much has been resolved as far as payments go – but one major thing has happened:

I FACED IT. I EXPOSED IT. I NAMED IT. I CALLED IT OUT. I GOT IT OFF MY CHEST. 

This is the first step in action. Seeing something for what it is and not being scared. It’s so tough sometimes to just face a situation. We wait. We hope. We put it off. It’s held inside and then we feel so stressed we may burst.

But now I have looked my financial situation in the eye and got the truth. Was it what I wanted to hear? Well, no. But it is my reality and it’s what I have to work with.

Now I wait on a few phone calls to come back before I can make a plan. Still feels so good to have this ‘lurker/stresser’ out in the open. Whew.

Are you procrastinating dealing what something because it’s a tough topic? Is it something you wish were different or is it something you can’t control, but want to?

That’s what happened to me. But now, I’m ready to expose it and work with my here and now and free myself from the bonds of shame, frustration, and humiliation. It’s only hurting me. And, it’s not worth hiding anymore.

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