Stuck in Freedom



Freedom is what I crave most – why then does the idea and desire have me stuck?

It’s like there is vibrational gunk. Years of buildup has me paralyzed and I am desperately trying to just go into it.

As I think on the concept of what freedom means to me, I am stuck in opportunity. By that I mean that there are so so so many directions that I can take, I just don’t know which one.

So, I will either numb out, check out, not do a thing or just plunge. That plunge is scary because I have to question whether or not it’s the right thing to do.

What I want is to have the confidence, curiosity, and trust in myself that taking a leap would be the best thing for me. Instead of actually doing that, I am procrastinating in this web of what if’s:

  • What if my husband doesn’t support my decision?
  • What if I fail?
  • What if I have no money?
  • Will my child be OK?
  • What if we all have to move?
  • What if my house won’t sell?
  • What if my credit bottoms out?
  • What if I have nothing?
  • What if my husband leaves me?
  • What if I leave him?
  • What will my parents think?
  • What if I don’t find my purpose?
  • What if I stand frozen?
  • What if this is the biggest mistake of my life?

Those are the negatives, obviously. All the what if’s hang around telling me it’s just best to stay right where I’m at which is at best moderately cozy.

Should I trade moderately cozy for something else? For the unknown? 

Too many questions, and quite frankly a lot of internal and external work. Especially since I have nothing lined up as any type of Plan B.

  • What about healthcare? Will I even need it if I’m super-happy and living on my own terms?
  • What about people relying on me? Do they even need me in the first place?

Could I actually trade my moderately cozy life for a better one? And by better I mean:

  • On my terms
  • Exciting
  • Relaxed
  • Trusting
  • Fearless
  • Present
  • Passionate
  • Connected
  • Easy

The better life list is what my Soul desires. I just don’t know how to get there — yet.