When I was telling my best friend about the biggest, hardest, tragic, most emotional event in my life she said the comforting, lovely words to me: “Shit happens.”
Well, that was pretty blunt and why I love her so much.
Not what I wanted to hear necessarily, but it was definitely a shot of truth. Over the last few years I have tried hard to accept some truths about my situation and life as hard as it is. And then, last night I finally had a revelation. I mean, I’ve know this revelation, but somehow it just sunk in and gave me peace.
See, here in Alabama we are hardcore college football fanatics. It is serious business. And, being a University of Alabama football fan – we hear it all the time:
When you are at the top, there’s only one way to go. Down.
This is our justification for winning so many championships and taking it to heart and being spoiled so when we lose it is pretty much the end of the world. Panic strikes and there are tears and toddler tantrums from adults.
Could it be that I am tired of the swampy heat and craving some rotel dip? Probably. Or could it be that it makes sense and that my life circumstance could also apply the same concept?
I’ve been on top of the world. I busted my tail to get where I was. As far as I was concerned I had ‘made it’ and my life was about to be gravy. My hard work and conscious decisions lead me to where I wanted to go: great credit, awesome SUV, husband, cute house, baby, and a stellar job.
I mean, what else really is there?
The ‘what else is there?’ is that you can fall to the bottom quick. Should the stars not align perfectly one day, you can be knocked off the high horse. Deep down we know that can happen – I mean…who’s gonna stop that tornado from demolishing your home, or a sickness, or wreck, or any other crisis? Not me, and not you.
The problem was that I clung so hard to my life that I created. I did it. It worked out. But it was A LOT of pressure to keep it there. Constantly on the defense. Always stressing and worrying about getting knocked off.
And then it happened.
I was knocked to the bottom and nearly lost everything.
Not of any fault of my own – it just happened and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
So here I am with a mess.
But secretly (and here was my acceptance and revelation)… I am thankful.
What? How in tha? How did I do that?
Well, if you are at the top there’s only one way to go…down.
But, if you are at the bottom there is only one way to go…UP!
I can let go of the control and pressure from the top. The top is where I was using all my energy for worry and defense and stress to stay there.
I am at the bottom and it’s an excellent way to do things differently. I can now do things the way I want and not the way society tells me I have to.
I can let go and enjoy the journey.
Because truth is, I feel the same as I did at the top except I don’t have the pressure to stay there. I can ride back up with a different set of eyes. I can create something new and beautiful. I can learn from the fall. I can learn to trust intuition and destiny.
When you have nothing to lose, you lose nothing.